I came to an interesting realisation today during the Ling Yuan Practice at the end of today’s class. I am afraid of everything. I mean everything.

 

I felt like I admitted this to myself on a deeper level than ever before and Shen showed me that most people feel this way too, deep down.

 

The patterns at play were a strong instinct to be cautious, to play it safe, to always do the right thing, to always get it right. I can see that, with this instinct at play, it was inevitable that I created the patterns that I did. I have seen and worked through many of these patterns, faced this fear many times, but now I am seeing it from another perspective.

 

Being cautious and keeping ourselves safe makes sense, the world is dangerous and it was even more so for humans in ancient times when these patterns were created. However my patterns around this carried with them this sense of fear that something bad will happen. A pattern doesn’t just tell you what to do, think or feel, it contains information, a kind of story, a belief about the world. This pattern wasn’t just guiding me to be safe, it was telling me – danger is everywhere!

 

In the Ling Yuan Meditation (8th method of Yuan Qigong Practice), I got an image of moving up and up a hill, surrounded by fire. Always afraid, trying to get away, but always with less room to move.

 

 

 

It actually feels like a blessing, like tearing down a big sheet, a veneer and seeing something true, it feels a deep relief and at the same time, as I write, my body is still shaking. It makes so much sense that we would feel this way and why. I am going slowly, observing myself, allowing these feelings to emerge and holding myself in a wu xin state. (Note, Wu Xin are the 5 qualities of the heart).

I wanted to share this with you, because I feel we can all relate, for example, just think of how large the military budgets are for most countries! Does this have anything at all to do with fear and caution? (Not to mention greed, self-interest and more patterns besides, perhaps I’ll write about these in the future too!).

More importantly, can we find a way of relating this to our own lives? Is fear holding us back, is it stopping us from seeing things about ourselves that we would like to change? Or perhaps fear is there in our relationships with others and the world, playing a role in some way, and having effects that we can’t yet see clearly?

We need to be careful here of the pattern of avoiding and hiding, it is easy to think these things have nothing to do with us!

In my own work, this exploration just seems to go deeper and deeper, there is always more to see. At the same time, it is closely connected with the heart work, a core part of Ren Xue Practice. There are lots of ways to do this, endless really. For example, what I am doing now is trusting in my heart, and allowing this trust to transform these feelings. This state of trust is a very special state, you feel light and free, and very open.

At the same time it is more than this, for example I am observing the patterns that I know emerge from this fear and the deeper patterns causing it, and I am making an active choice to feel this feeling rather than push it away and allow these patterns – for example wanting to control, avoid or hide – to take over. Then, I carry on with the heart work, it is a nice, fulfilling and interesting way to spend the day.

I feel very wonderful sharing this with you all, this writing for me is another example of how I do this heart work in my own life, I hope it has helped you too.

Jay